我在童年，少年，以至于到早期的青年時期，在父母和學校老師，
可是在如此多年沒有强有力的精神指引後，
也許神不願意我這樣一直在偏離的道路上行走，
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I was born into a
family from a city in mainland China. My parents have worked in a hospital for
many years. Right now they both have retired. When I was growing up it was
easier for me to listen to the counsel of my parents and seniority compared to
other children of the same age. You will often excessively emphasize how
children need to listen and learn when raising a child in the environment that
I'm from. Therefore, I was an avid learner when I was young. I was always
diligently learning from elementary school to middle school, all the way up
until the entrance exam for colleges in mainland China. I hoped to be a good
child that listened to his parents. My parents really cared about me, but they
were unable to escape the social influence that we were in. They did their best
to provide the best resources for me, but the mental and spiritual outpouring
was limited. It was more apparent that they were unable to explain those topics
which were on a deeper level. For example, "What is the purpose of life? Should
people believe in God? Why or why not?" This is mainly because of the
generation that they lived in. It was the generation where atheism was
predominant. They were unable to understand who God was ever since they were
children. They didn't know why they should or shouldn't believe in Him.
In my childhood years, teenage years, and all the way up to the early period of my adulthood, I was always a good child in the eyes of my parents, schoolteachers, and older generations of my family. I had outstanding learning accomplishments. However, in this type of social environment that only allows children to learn and doesn't give them any spiritual guidance, it didn't matter whether it was a child who learned well, or a child who didn't learn well, they both had a lot of psychological and ideological confusion. Sometimes these confusions will shape problems. Some topics were unable to be conversed, and would lead to relatively serious consequences. I look back to the past. Even before growing past my childhood years, things had already appeared multiple times that caused worry and anxiety. I was forced to wait on some questions. At that time, I didn't know how to resolve them, and didn't dare to discuss them with family members or teachers. All the way up to the time to go to college, the weight of these questions in my mind made it so that I once thought that I was on the border of a spiritual collapse. It was good that at that time the connections of Chinese society with the outside the world were increasing. There gradually started to be knowledge about this spiritual guidance. I personally understood this knowledge. I watched myself, and didn't cause problems. At that time, and in the time of my teenage years, you could definitely say that I had a moral consciousness. From the elderly in my family, I also learned some traditional values, like frugality and helping the needy, even though the number of people that I was able to help was limited.
There were many years of not having strong, powerful, spiritual guidance. I was in the same boat as a lot of other young people at the time, and had fallen into spiritual hollowness and depression. In the following years, I finished school and started to work. I left the relatively quiet school grounds and entered into a society influenced by the thought that money and power is paramount. I then received more negative ideas. I started to think that people live on this earth in order to have money, power, and the enjoyment of material possession. I thought that life will have an end, and if you don't go and do the things that you want, then it's pointless. Being completely honest, talking about sacrificing for others seemed like nonsense. It seemed like something that no one would believe. I went through the most meaningless years of my life under the influence of this idea. There wasn't really anything that came out of it, except for a big waste of time. I was completely unaware of what was happening. I also lost many of the good attributes that I once had. I just wasted it away without even noticing.
Perhaps God didn't always want me walk on this straying path. After continuing for a few years in this type of lifestyle, my present wife, Sister Wang, came into my life in an unusual way. In the deep Autumn of 2008, we held a marriage ceremony in our hometown. Sister Wang started to gradually influence some of my ideas after our marriage. I started to have some changes, but the gist of my ideas were still wrong. I still hadn't escaped the imprisonment of worldly and materialistic desires. It was like this for the next three years. I was impacted by some things that helped me start to find out how big of a mistake I had made on the wrong road that I had once walked. I realized how these mistakes had influenced my own family. I started to truly feel sorrow for what I had done. I also started to feel that I had to change my ideas and actions. Starting from that time on, I started to sincerely want to understand the things of God. Sister Wang actively helped me, because she had gotten baptized a few months prior. I found the church in the place where I was presently living. Beginning at that time, I started my contact with the brothers and sisters of the church, started to read books about the teachings of God, and started to consider all types of questions that I might or might not have thought of before. During those days I started to gradually rely on God. I also renewed hope to live according to a healthy lifestyle. Not long after, I got baptized and joined the church. I started a new journey in life.
In my childhood years, teenage years, and all the way up to the early period of my adulthood, I was always a good child in the eyes of my parents, schoolteachers, and older generations of my family. I had outstanding learning accomplishments. However, in this type of social environment that only allows children to learn and doesn't give them any spiritual guidance, it didn't matter whether it was a child who learned well, or a child who didn't learn well, they both had a lot of psychological and ideological confusion. Sometimes these confusions will shape problems. Some topics were unable to be conversed, and would lead to relatively serious consequences. I look back to the past. Even before growing past my childhood years, things had already appeared multiple times that caused worry and anxiety. I was forced to wait on some questions. At that time, I didn't know how to resolve them, and didn't dare to discuss them with family members or teachers. All the way up to the time to go to college, the weight of these questions in my mind made it so that I once thought that I was on the border of a spiritual collapse. It was good that at that time the connections of Chinese society with the outside the world were increasing. There gradually started to be knowledge about this spiritual guidance. I personally understood this knowledge. I watched myself, and didn't cause problems. At that time, and in the time of my teenage years, you could definitely say that I had a moral consciousness. From the elderly in my family, I also learned some traditional values, like frugality and helping the needy, even though the number of people that I was able to help was limited.
There were many years of not having strong, powerful, spiritual guidance. I was in the same boat as a lot of other young people at the time, and had fallen into spiritual hollowness and depression. In the following years, I finished school and started to work. I left the relatively quiet school grounds and entered into a society influenced by the thought that money and power is paramount. I then received more negative ideas. I started to think that people live on this earth in order to have money, power, and the enjoyment of material possession. I thought that life will have an end, and if you don't go and do the things that you want, then it's pointless. Being completely honest, talking about sacrificing for others seemed like nonsense. It seemed like something that no one would believe. I went through the most meaningless years of my life under the influence of this idea. There wasn't really anything that came out of it, except for a big waste of time. I was completely unaware of what was happening. I also lost many of the good attributes that I once had. I just wasted it away without even noticing.
Perhaps God didn't always want me walk on this straying path. After continuing for a few years in this type of lifestyle, my present wife, Sister Wang, came into my life in an unusual way. In the deep Autumn of 2008, we held a marriage ceremony in our hometown. Sister Wang started to gradually influence some of my ideas after our marriage. I started to have some changes, but the gist of my ideas were still wrong. I still hadn't escaped the imprisonment of worldly and materialistic desires. It was like this for the next three years. I was impacted by some things that helped me start to find out how big of a mistake I had made on the wrong road that I had once walked. I realized how these mistakes had influenced my own family. I started to truly feel sorrow for what I had done. I also started to feel that I had to change my ideas and actions. Starting from that time on, I started to sincerely want to understand the things of God. Sister Wang actively helped me, because she had gotten baptized a few months prior. I found the church in the place where I was presently living. Beginning at that time, I started my contact with the brothers and sisters of the church, started to read books about the teachings of God, and started to consider all types of questions that I might or might not have thought of before. During those days I started to gradually rely on God. I also renewed hope to live according to a healthy lifestyle. Not long after, I got baptized and joined the church. I started a new journey in life.
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